ST JOHN’S BEREAVEMENT TEAM

Are you struggling with bereavement?

We can help by support with: -

Individual appointments and/or Information

We can support the bereaved regardless of the lapse of time

 Grieving is healthy and necessary, but it is a painful process and different for everyone.

Cry if you want to

Try not to bottle up your feelings.  Feelings at this time can be overwhelming and very confused.  At first you may be numbed by shock, struggling with all the business that follows death.  For a time it may seem impossible to believe your loss.  But as realisation grows, waves of sadness and pain may be intense.

The world is turned upside down.  You feel anxious and afraid, perhaps panic-stricken, resentful or very angry, guilty or ashamed, depressed and very alone.

Try to realise that these emotions are part of the pain of grieving, they have to be suffered and not suppressed.

Allow yourself time to grieve

It takes time to accept that the person you love is no longer alive.  You will expect that person to come through the door, to telephone, or to be there when you come home.  You have to relive the events surrounding the death many times, in your thoughts, your conversation and your dreams before it becomes real.  Give time to yourself.

Keeping active is good but not if it shuts out your feelings of pain and grief.  Without pain there is no healing and there is no short cut.

Grieve in your own way

There is no ‘right way to grieve’.  You may not want to cry – you may not feel the way you expected to feel.  You may have difficulty in doing and remembering simple things.  You may feel you are going mad.

Talk about what has happened and what you are experiencing to someone who can listen with understanding.

Accept help from others

…but perhaps even your own family do not know how

to help.  Try not to be hurt by this or if old friends avoid you.  Some people find it easier to give practical aid and are glad to be asked for help with shopping or whatever.

Accept help but don’t let relatives and friends persuade you to do things you are not ready to do.  Do not make major changes in the first year unless you have to.

Take care of yourself

Try to eat sensibly and take exercise.  You may be susceptible to minor illnesses for a time.  Tiredness, sleeplessness, fuzziness of mind, inability to concentrate, headaches and tension are common for a while after bereavement.  But always check with your doctor if you are worried about health.

Keep life as normal as possible with some sort of regular routine.  Be nice to yourself – try not to let yourself get overtired.  As time passes and the black days become less frequent, be ready to try new things and to get to know new people.